Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want to make out with him forever
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
