i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
