Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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