at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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