His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
