my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think a kid would responsible me up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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