apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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