whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
