Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
