Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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