Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
