My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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