Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
