Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
