Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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