I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
