Me too!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
