As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
