the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
