I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
