I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
