I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
