We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
