chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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