I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drunk is not a location!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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