nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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