I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the day after is always just damage control
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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