So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
