fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
