I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
