You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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