So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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