I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize