the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
