After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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