Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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