I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
