im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
