Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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