I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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