you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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