hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
