if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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