I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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