i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
