Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
