how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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