I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
