She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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