So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
