Jerry, you need to find god
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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