I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
