what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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