I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
