I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fuck appropriateness.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
