She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
