Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
