You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
