Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
