You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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