I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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