it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
