I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
