i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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