All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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