So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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