she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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