Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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