dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
where does the pee come out of this thing
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
