ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
