just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
