Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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